7 Essential Questions You Should Ask Before You Say, "I Do"

Getting married is one of the most exciting experiences of anyone’s life. With all of the planning, celebrating, and excitement surrounding the big day, however, it can be easy to forget about the marriage after the wedding. 

At least, at first. 

After the ceremony, the rest of your lives begin, and so does the real work. Marriage can be wonderful, fulfilling, and there are actually real love stories out there. With that in mind, it is crucial to know who you are marrying before you take that walk down the aisle. 

So, what are some questions you should ask before you say “I do”?

1. Do You Have a Strong Friendship?

It is not enough to just be in love with the person you plan on marrying. Those feelings will go up and down over the years. In some cases, they may not be enough to sustain the marriage.  

Instead, focus on a strong underlying friendship beneath those feelings of love. It is that bond and friendship that will keep your relationship going, even when things get difficult.

2. Are You Both Open With Your Feelings?

Vulnerability is an important key to any successful relationship. If you or your spouse-to-be hide your feelings or you are not fully honest with each other, it should be an immediate red flag.

3. Are You On the Same Team?

Arguments happen in marriages. In fact, arguing can be a good thing. It can help your relationship to grow and get stronger when it’s done the right way. One of the key components of “healthy” arguing, however, is an understanding that you both are on the same team.

You are not each other’s enemy, and you both want what is best for each other and your relationship. When you know you want the same things and have the same end goals, disagreements become easier to handle. So, ask yourself if you feel that way about your partner.

4. Do You Fulfill Each Other's Needs?

If you go through any kind of pre-marital counseling, you will likely at least talk about the “5 love languages.” Does your partner fulfill your needs? Do they understand your love language, and do you understand theirs? If not, is it something both of you are willing to work on?

5. Do You Respect Each Other?

A marriage (or any relationship) cannot work without an underlying sense of respect. You should look at your partner and respect their opinions, their goals, and their character. They should look at you with that same respect and allow it to seep into the relationship. 

That means always speaking to one another respectfully, never shaming the other person, embarrassing them in front of family and friends, or undermining who they are or what they have to say. 

6. Do You Trust Each Other?

Trust is another incredibly important component of a successful relationship. Do you trust your partner? Can you rely on them to be there and always keep their word?  If trust is not there in a relationship, it will not work. 

If you do not feel as though you can fully trust your partner, ask yourself why. Explore where that questioning comes from before you get married.

7. Do You Have Any Doubts?

Intuition can be a strong thing. Trusting your gut is underrated. If something does not feel right about your upcoming marriage, do not ignore it. Address it.

Try to understand why you might feel that way, and what can be done about it. Be honest with yourself and with your partner, so you can make the best decision for both of you.  

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Marriage is something that should never be taken lightly. It is meant to be a lifelong commitment, which requires a lot of deep thought, contemplation, and questioning. Keep these particular questions in mind before you tie the knot, and you can have more peace of mind in doing so. 

If you have more questions or want to discuss your feelings about your relationship, feel free to contact us to discuss premarital counseling and how it can help.