When an Affair Puts Your Marriage in Limbo: Should You Stay? Or Should You Go?

There is no question that infidelity in a marriage changes everything. It can cause you to feel hurt, betrayed, and even angry. It breaks trust. You might think that you will never be able to look at your spouse the same way. 

The hardest question you may need to ask yourself after discovering an affair, however, is whether you should stay or go. Do you want to remain in this marriage, or is it time to cut ties? 

That is certainly a loaded question and not one to take lightly. You may still love your spouse, despite the hurt, but love might not be enough to restore your bond. 

With that in mind, we can take a look at a few signs to keep in mind what will make it easier for you to decide whether you should stay or leave. 

They Don't Show Remorse

Whether your partner was caught cheating or they decided to come clean on their own, an apology can go a long way. Of course, a simple “I’m sorry” is not going to take away the pain, but true remorse can help you to realize there is hope for your marriage. 

If there is no remorse and your partner is not willing to apologize for their actions, it is a way of them saying the relationship is over. 

Apologies do not fix things, but they provide a jumping-off point. They let you know that the individual in the wrong wants to make things work. Without that, it is impossible to rebuild. 

They Will Not Put in the Work

Even if your partner does apologize, it does not mean things will be “perfect” right away. An apology only goes so far, and actions speak louder than words. 

You might suggest something like couples counseling. While it is not absolutely necessary, it can help your relationship to get back on track. You can also learn helpful strategies for the future. If your partner refuses, it may be a red flag.

When they're not willing to put in the work to heal your relationship, more problems are likely to keep showing up. Both partners have to be dedicated to making a relationship work for it to thrive. That is especially true after something like an affair rocks your relationship to the very core. 

They Still Contact The Person They Cheated With

One thing needs to be completely clear once an affair has been brought to light: If your partner wants the marriage to work, they can no longer be in contact with the person they cheated with. There should be no arguments about it being a “friendship.” An affair is not a friendship! 

If you notice that your partner does still contact that person, even with the occasional text message, that's a big problem. It is an indicator that a part of them still wants to connect with that person. Not only is that a constant temptation for them, but it allows you to see that they do not value your marriage enough to cut ties with the individual that almost destroyed it. 

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There are so many other factors to consider after an affair. Whether you should stay or go depends largely on your partner’s attitude. They have to be willing to make your relationship work. If you do not feel as though they are ready for that, it may be time to end the marriage. 

If you are going through the aftermath of an affair and feeling lost, hurt, or frustrated, you are not alone. Feel free to contact us to find out how affair recovery can help you.