Are You So Caught Up In The Bliss Of Engagement That You’ve Overlooked Essential Questions About The Marriage?
Are you engaged to be married? Have you found yourself preparing more for your wedding than for a lifetime with your partner? Do you worry about what will happen in the relationship once the celebration and honeymoon are over?
Perhaps you are so preoccupied with planning that you have not stopped to reflect on what the ups and downs of your marriage will look like. Maybe you aren’t even considering the ups and downs at all because your relationship is in the midst of such an exciting period of romance and anticipation. It may be difficult to wrap your mind around the idea that the wedding is just the beginning of a long life together and that when the party’s over, it will be just the two of you and the road ahead.
When couples are so hyper-focused on the engagement and wedding planning periods, the true substance of their marriage is often overlooked. Frequently, these couples end up feeling frustrated or disappointed because their perceptions of marriage do not line up with reality. It becomes increasingly difficult to accept that no marriage is effortless and that it takes hard work to stay connected for a lifetime.
As the honeymoon period inevitably comes to a close, it can be easy to feel like your marriage is the only relationship that has struggles. Yet, no relationship comes without its challenges. Building a harmonious and loving marriage takes work.
Beginning the transition into a lifelong partnership, premarital counseling can provide you with the communication skills and perspective needed to have a successful and happy marriage.
Relationships Are Damaged By Overly Simplistic Notions Of Marriage
They’re called “the pre-wedding jitters” for a reason: feelings of anxiety and trepidation naturally bubble up when we prepare to make a commitment to our other half—for life. It’s a big responsibility, and while many churches or religious officials require premarital counseling specifically for this reason, the kind of marriage advice offered is often surface-level and overly simplistic. Such guidance typically includes basic ideals of mutual respect and kindness. Of course, these are essential in all marriages, but it can be hard to really grasp what long and enduring love looks like in action.
It’s not enough to simply love your partner and love is not the only requirement for a strong marriage. There will be times throughout your marriage when you maintain love for your spouse, but you might not like them very much. These instances may stem from the kinds of disagreements and communication issues that all couples experience. How will you know how to navigate them? How will you know how to reconnect when the flame begins to dull? Relationship expert John Gottman estimates that unhappy couples wait six years (yes, six!) before seeking help for their marriage, having never prepared themselves to answer these questions.
Unfortunately, so many couples don’t view marriage as something to be proactive about, and instead they wait for conflict to fester for a long time before cultivating the tools they need to maintain a successful relationship. Moreover, when couples are caught up in the excitement and momentum of their engagement and wedding planning, the basic step of premarital counseling is often overlooked despite it being one of the most effective ways to foster a long and harmonious life together.
Using the expertise of a therapist to help you prepare for marriage does not signal a deficit in your relationship—rather, it indicates that you are invested in creating a happy and healthy partnership with the person to whom you have promised yourself for life.
Premarital Counseling Can Ready Your Heart And Mind For A Lifelong Commitment
Nothing kills a marriage more than unspoken expectations. Premarital counseling at Christian Wellness Center gives you the opportunity to voice those expectations so that you don’t end up disappointed in or resentful of your partner. By giving you the chance to honestly and openly discuss your vision of the future with your partner and a trained couples therapist, you will gain better insight into how you can best support and help your spouse throughout your partnership.
During therapy, our counselors will tailor sessions to meet your specific needs as a couple while introducing topics that affect all marriages. Using solution-focused and emotionally-focused therapy methods, we will center premarital counseling around the current and future factors impacting your partnership, as well as the emotional support mechanisms necessary to make your marriage thrive.
You will be given meaningful and structured time to consider your hopes for the marriage, your roles and responsibilities within it, the prospect of raising a family, and how to best provide emotional support and stability to your future spouse. We will also get into the nitty-gritty of how to manage your careers and finances, unresolved traumas from the past that may still be affecting you, and the importance of maintaining a healthy sex life. You will cover so much ground with your fiancé that you both will feel confident to enter the marriage with a deep and profound understanding of one another.
Our team aims to make this process as comfortable as possible and will check in with you throughout to ensure that you feel safe and connected during premarital counseling. Of course, there may be moments of tension and vulnerability, but we are invested in making your experience satisfying, fun, and ultimately enlightening.
At Christian Wellness Center, we know that marriage is about being there for each other for better—and for worse. We prepare you for “the worse” by giving you the tools you need to be fruitful in living up to your vows.
Since 2016, we have guided couples from all walks and in various stages of their relationship and helped them gain newfound understanding and appreciation of one another. We believe in the value of premarital counseling to prepare you for a long and happy life together.
Maybe you are considering premarital therapy, but you have some questions…
If we need premarital counseling, perhaps we’re not ready to be married?
Not necessarily. We encourage you to view premarital counseling at Christian Wellness Center as a proactive preparation tool rather than an indicator of weakness in the relationship.
Think about it this way: if you have to be trained at a job, does that mean you are not suited to work there? Or if you had to take out a loan to buy a car, does that mean you are not ready to own a vehicle? Of course not! Just because you take the opportunity to gain more insight into your partner and learn more information about the realities of marriage does not mean that the relationship isn’t ready to further its commitment.
If we cannot talk about what’s on our minds without the help of a therapist, that signals a fatal flaw in the relationship.
Of course, it is a problem if you feel like you are not communicating with your partner effectively. However, when couples experience breakdowns in communication, it’s not because they don’t know how to talk; it’s usually because they don’t know how to listen.
Premarital counseling not only gives you the chance to honestly and openly discuss with your partner what is on your mind but also provides you with the tools for effective listening. During sessions, you will learn meaningful communication techniques, answer pressing questions, and recognize the difference between intent versus impact so that you can maintain a strong and healthy partnership throughout your marriage.
My parents/family members/friends have great marriages—why can’t I just go to them for marriage advice?
While it’s great to have strong models for marriage as you and your fiancé prepare for a life together, your parents/family members/friends are not relationship experts.
The therapists and counselors at Christian Wellness Center, on the other hand, are trained in diverse areas of premarital and marriage counseling and have years of experience in helping couples navigate a wide range of issues. We know the important questions to ask and which items to consider as you prepare to make a lifelong commitment to one another. Moreover, we offer an unbiased perspective that only takes into consideration the couple sitting across from us and nothing else, whereas the people closest to you may operate with preconceptions and partiality.
Are You Ready To Prepare For Your Forever Together?
If you are engaged or considering marriage, premarital counseling at Christian Wellness Center can help you and your partner to work through all the considerations you need to make before taking the next step. For more information about our counseling services or to set up an appointment, call (810) 771-8948 or contact us online today.
