Navigating Communication Barriers with Your Spouse: 5 Tips

You may have heard before that communication is a crucial key to any successful relationship. That rings true, especially in marriage. 

Unfortunately, communication is often one of the things so many couples get wrong. It happens for a variety of reasons. For one, we all have different communication styles. Additionally, not everyone has learned how to be an active listener. 

There are more personal communication barriers that can form in your relationship too. Working through them can help you to understand your spouse and strengthen your relationship. 

Keep the following tips in mind to navigate communication barriers as a couple and work through any areas of miscommunication. 

1. Choosing the Right Time

One of the most common communication barriers is timing. You should be able to talk to your spouse freely whenever you want. However, if you are bringing up something that warrants their direct attention or a subject that could lead to a long conversation, timing is everything. 

You know what times work better for your spouse. You know what times do not. Trying to talk to them as they are getting ready for work in the morning will never be as beneficial as talking to them in the evening after they have relaxed and have nothing else on their plate for the day.

Choose your timing wisely. 

2. Focusing On the Negative

If you constantly bring negative feelings into a conversation, it is going to skew things. It will make honest, open communication very difficult. 

Having negative feelings shows your partner that you do not appreciate them. It sets the tone for the entire conversation. The best thing you can do is to try to show some positivity, or at the very least, be neutral in your approach. 

3. Making Assumptions

Conversations would be a lot easier if you'd know what your spouse was thinking. Since you do not, making assumptions is a dangerous game to play. When you assume your partner’s thoughts or attitude, you go into a conversation with a certain frame of mind.

It can be hard to break away from that. You have every right to speak your thoughts, but give your partner that same right. Assumptions can eventually lead to resentment, and your spouse might not feel like they have any real say.

4. Making “You” Statements

Just like making assumptions, the use of “you” statements can set the tone for a conversation in a negative way. Using “you” automatically puts the blame on your spouse. Even if you feel as though they are doing something wrong, approach it with “I” statements, instead. 

When your spouse feels like they are constantly being blamed for something, they are more likely to either tune out or respond with frustration. So instead of saying, “you never show affection,” say something like “I feel unloved when you don't show me affection.”

5. Spending Time Together

When you are unhappy or discontent with your spouse, you may not want to spend a lot of time together. That usually only makes things worse. While you should avoid serious conversations when you know you are “heated,” you should make an effort to spend as much as possible time together every day. 

When you do not spend a lot of time together, your bond becomes weaker. You are not as “in tune” with one another, and it becomes more difficult to communicate effectively. Your time together should be spent actually focusing on each other, rather than allowing distractions like television or your phones to take over. 

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The fact is, communication is an incredibly important key to marriage. Keep the above-mentioned tips in mind to navigate common communication barriers. If you would like more information about my approach to marriage therapy, please feel free to contact me.