Marital Conflict: How to Transform Friction Into Affection

Marital conflict is not an automatic “loss.” It does not mean your relationship has to end. It also does not mean you have to live with that conflict for the rest of your life. 

If there is friction in your marriage, it needs to be addressed by both parties. It needs to be something that is worked on by both parties, as well. That is often one of the largest struggles for people with a marriage on the rocks. If one party is not willing to commit themselves to the work, that friction will only continue to grow. 

If you are both on board, however, you can transform your marriage. The friction you are feeling now can be changed into affection. 

While there is no magic involved and certainly no quick fixes, turning your relationship around is not impossible. With that in mind, we can look at a few effective ways to transform your marriage so you can feel closer than ever to your partner.  

Recognize and Acknowledge Harmful Patterns

One of the biggest mistakes a couple can make is trying to brush conflict under the rug. If you know there are problems within your marriage, so does your spouse. The longer you try to ignore them, the worse they likely are to become. 

No one wants to trigger conflict or say something that might cause an argument, but it is sometimes necessary. Bringing those issues to light before things get too heated will allow you to have a more civil, meaningful conversation. You can even "argue" the right way by being an active listener and respecting your partner’s thoughts and feelings. 

Work On One Thing at a Time

Once you recognize the problems within your marriage, the next step is to start working on them. If you’re dealing with multiple issues, however, that can feel overwhelming. 

So, choose one problem to work on at a time, and keep the focus on yourself. 

For example, if you tend to bring up past issues in arguments or “hold a grudge” against your spouse, try working on that. If you feel yourself wanting to say something that isn’t warranted in an argument or conversation, step away. Take some time to cool off and collect your thoughts. Once you get better at beating that habit, you can focus on something else. 

Be Vulnerable

In order to turn friction into affection, you will have to let your spouse in, and vice versa. 

Vulnerability is often difficult in relationships, even when you trust your partner. It is not always easy to open yourself up with the fear that you might be hurt or judged. When you do choose to be vulnerable, though, you are showing your spouse that you are willing to pour everything you have into your relationship. 

Vulnerability includes talking about the things you want and the things that get to you. It allows you to express your true, full feelings. While that might take some getting used to at first, you will quickly see how close it can make you feel with your spouse. That is especially true if they are willing to open up and be vulnerable too. Vulnerability improves intimacy, which is an incredibly important factor in any successful marriage. 

--

It is not uncommon for marital conflicts to make you feel heavy and helpless, but that doesn't have to be.

If you find that you are struggling in your marriage and you still are not sure which steps to take, feel free to contact me. Together, with marriage therapy, we can work on more ways to transform friction into affection. In doing so, you can strengthen your bond with your spouse and develop a stronger, healthier marriage.