How To Communicate With Your Partner When You Are Angry

Communication is an essential component of any healthy relationship. Maybe you don’t have a hard time prioritizing communication with your partner when things are going well. After all, it’s easy to be open and honest when you’re happy and your needs are being met. 

But, what happens when you’re angry with each other? 

Even the happiest, healthiest couples disagree. They argue. They don’t always see eye-to-eye. Maybe your partner did something that upset you or vice-versa. Whatever the case, the importance of communication doesn’t dissipate with anger. In fact, it’s even more important to open up when you’re upset — but it’s typically not as easy. 

So, how can you communicate with your partner when you’re angry at each other? How can you make sure you’re still an effective communicator even when you’re upset? 

Take a Step Back

If you’re angry with your partner, you’re going to be tempted to let your emotions take hold of your words. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and say something hurtful that you don’t really mean. 

Instead of letting your anger control your words and actions, it’s okay to take a step away from the situation. That doesn’t mean ignoring or avoiding it. But, if you know you need a few minutes to cool down, tell your partner. Let them know you don’t want to say anything out of anger, and ask if you can talk about things later. 

Stay Focused on the Present

When you’re angry, it can be tempting to bring up past hurts. Even if you’ve moved on from difficult relationship situations, it’s not always as easy to forgive and forget as we want it to be. 

One of the worst things you can do when you’re angry at each other is to bring up those past conflicts. Doing so will let your partner know you’re still holding a grudge. If there are things from your past you need to work out together, do so at a different time when you’re both calm. For now, focus on the present and what you need to work through right away. 

Communicate With Respect

Even if you’re angry with your partner and disagree about something, remember that you’re still on the same team. You don’t always have to see eye-to-eye to come to a compromise. More importantly, you don’t have to agree on everything to treat each other with respect. 

Respect goes a long way in healthy, effective communication. It gives you the opportunity to express your thoughts, opinions, and feelings in a way that is more likely to be heard and understood. When you show your partner basic respect by listening to them and not making accusatory statements or hurling insults, you’re more likely to have a conversation that helps, rather than hurts. 

Be an Active Listener

Speaking of listening to your partner, make sure you know what that looks like — especially when you’re angry. When you’re upset, it can be tempting to want to express your feelings as fully and quickly as possible. But, communication is a two-way street. 

Make sure you’re listening to your partner’s point of view. Active listening involves more than just hearing what they have to say and forgetting it a moment later. Show your partner you’re listening by asking questions, repeating certain statements for clarification, and giving them your full attention. When you choose to actively listen to them, they’re more likely to do the same for you. 

You’re going to be angry with your partner sometimes. It doesn’t indicate a relationship problem. In fact, healthy arguing can actually strengthen your relationship and your bond. But, in order to make that happen, you and your partner have to be willing to communicate the right way. Keep these ideas in mind to prioritize healthy communication whenever you’re angry at each other. 

Reach out to learn more about marriage therapy and how it can help.