How To Set Realistic Expectations For Your Relationship

From a very young age, we’re introduced to fairytales about perfect relationships. Even as adults, we read books and watch Hallmark movies that depict couples who rarely fight and essentially ride off into the sunset to find their happily ever after. 

Deep down, we know those things aren’t realistic. After all, that’s why they’re in movies and fiction novels. But, it’s perfectly understandable to want at least a taste of those “perfect” partnerships. 

Unfortunately, allowing yourself to get too invested in the idea of relationship perfection makes it easy to set unrealistic expectations. That can do more harm than good in your relationship and might create problems where none truly exist. 

So, how can you set realistic expectations for your relationship? 

Highlight What’s Important

You can’t simply list off your wants and demands to your partner and expect them to flawlessly perform each one. While talking about your needs is important, it’s more important to remember there are two people in your relationship. Finding a balance that addresses both of your needs will create the healthiest, strongest dynamic. 

So, think about what’s most important to you. What are your core values? When you highlight those things and express them to your partner in a loving, respectful way, they will be more likely to do everything they can to meet those needs. 

Communicate Directly

It can be cute or even romantic in a work of fiction when people beat around the bush and drop hints about what they want or need in a relationship. But, that’s not realistic. It can end up creating confusion, and you’ll likely be let down when your partner doesn’t pick up on every subtle cue. 

Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Make sure you’re as direct and vocal as possible, especially when it comes to your expectations. Expect the same from your partner, so there is no gray area regarding what you both want and need. 

Show Appreciation

Instead of constantly thinking about what else your partner could be doing to make your relationship perfect, think about what they’re already doing that you appreciate. Adopting an attitude of gratitude can change your perspective on your relationship. 

What are some of your partner’s most positive characteristics? What do they do every day that makes you smile? Sometimes, the little things can make the biggest impact. 

When you think about the things you appreciate, don’t be afraid to share them! Let your partner know what they’re doing that you’re grateful for. It will help to increase communication and intimacy while reducing the risk of conflicts and confusion. 

Show Kindness and Respect

It can’t be stressed enough how important it is to respect your partner. Did you know that even couples who seem “perfect” on paper have arguments? The difference is that they know how to argue respectfully and effectively. 

Even when you disagree with your partner, treating them with kindness and respect will go a long way in strengthening your bond. Remember that you’re on the same team. You want the same things, even if you have different ideas on how to achieve them. If you expect kindness and respect from your partner, you have to be willing to give it to them, in return. 

Prioritize Your Relationship

Giving each other time in a relationship is necessary. No one is perfect, and no one will immediately be able to check off every box you’ve created. Once you’ve talked about your expectations together and determined which ones are realistic, be patient. 

Instead of waiting for your partner to be perfect (or vice versa), prioritize the health of your relationship. Enjoy the present moments you have together, and appreciate the things you already love about them. 

Reach out to learn more about couples coaching or marriage therapy.