Is Emotional Infidelity A Real Thing?
When most people think of infidelity, physical “cheating” comes to mind. That can be difficult enough to deal with and it can absolutely destroy the trust in a relationship. But, emotional infidelity can be just as damaging and hurtful. Sometimes, it can be even worse.
Yes, emotional infidelity is a real thing. It occurs when there isn’t necessarily any physical cheating going on, but there’s a strong, intimate connection with someone who isn’t your partner.
Emotional infidelity goes far beyond friendship. There’s usually an underlying attraction or some type of sexual tension, even if it isn’t acted upon, physically.
Let’s take a closer look at some of the signs of emotional infidelity and what you can do if you’re worried your partner might be having an emotional affair.
Why Does Emotional Infidelity Occur?
There’s no one cause behind emotional infidelity, and many of the reasons might be similar to why one cheats physically. Maybe they’re feeling unfulfilled in their relationship. Maybe they’re looking for something different. Or, maybe they didn’t expect it to happen but they just formed a connection with someone that went too far.
The difference between emotional and physical infidelity is that people are more likely to try to justify emotional cheating. They might just assume that they’re close friends with another person, even when they know it’s more than that. Or, they might not consider it “cheating” if there’s no physical contact. So, emotional affairs can often be harder to break and move on from.
Signs of Emotional Infidelity
Finding out your partner is having a physical affair can be jarring. But, it also usually comes with some kind of physical evidence. You might notice a receipt from dinner or a hotel room, makeup on their shirt, or a piece of clothing that isn’t yours somewhere.
Emotional infidelity can be harder to discover. They often happen with people your partner probably already spends a lot of time with, like someone at work. But, if you’ve noticed that they’re spending more time with that person or contacting them more frequently, it could be a sign of something deeper going on.
They’re also likely to share more with that person than they share with you. Often, it’s inappropriate sharing that covers issues like your relationship or sex life. Those are subjects that should be between you and your partner. When someone else gets involved, consider it a red flag.
Your partner also might start to compare you to the person they’re having an affair with. Have they ever suggested that you do things more like that person? Have they wished you were more like that person? Not only is that hurtful to hear, but it indicates that they have a preference and they aren’t as happy in your relationship as they are with that person.
Finally, take note if they’re spending less time with you, and doing things in secrecy. Maybe they’re not able to directly tell you where they’re going or what they’re doing. Maybe you notice that it’s hard for them to keep stories straight about who they were with. These are all warning signs that something is going on.
What Can You Do?
Finding out your partner is having an emotional affair can be jarring. You’ll undoubtedly feel betrayed, hurt, and have a hard time trusting them again. It’s up to you to decide if you want to continue the relationship.
If you do, your partner needs to understand that the affair needs to end completely. If they aren’t willing to do that, the relationship needs to end.
But, if they are willing to put a stop to it and you want to make things work, don’t feel like you have to do it on your own. Consider going to counseling, either together or separately, to work through the underlying issues that may have triggered the affair, in the first place. Reach out to learn more about couples coaching.