How Often Do Couples Fight In A Healthy Relationship And Is It Normal?

Have you ever seen a couple that seems to have it all together? Maybe they seem so in love, so close, and so…perfect. You might have even experienced some jealousy because it feels like you and your partner are constantly fighting. 

Here’s a little secret – that couple you envy probably fights more than you think. 

In fact, some healthy couples argue every single day. If arguments didn’t exist in a relationship, things would never grow or get stronger. However, there’s a “right” way to fight that makes all the difference. 

So, is it normal to fight often in a relationship? Absolutely. It’s how you do it that matters. 

How Often “Should” You Fight?

Obviously, there’s no ideal number when it comes to how often you should fight. It’s not exactly something you can expect or schedule, nor is it something you should “try” to do more than necessary. 

But, if you feel like you don’t fight a lot in your relationship but the fights you do have are explosive and hard, it could be that you’re actually not fighting enough. 

The healthiest couples in the world don’t agree on everything. If there’s something you and your partner need to discuss because there’s a conflict, do it right then and there. One of the worst things you can do is try to sweep things under the rug and let them fester. It’s better to have smaller, more frequent fights than wait until you’re at your wits’ end. 

What’s Normal When It Comes to Fighting?

There’s no “normal” way to fight because every relationship is different. You might have a different communication style than your partner, and that’s okay. What’s important is that you learn how to understand those styles so you can work together during your disagreements, rather than constantly clashing. 

When you choose to disagree in ways that work for both of you, you’ll quickly find that your fights can make you more self-aware while expanding and strengthening your relationship. 

It all starts with an undertone of respect. It’s okay for you to have your own style when it comes to arguing, but everything you should do needs to start with respect. 

The Dos and Don’ts of Healthy Arguing

So, what can you do to argue the “right” way? 

Start by staying in the present. Focus on what you’re disagreeing about now, rather than bringing up past hurts. When you talk about previous fights, you’re letting your partner know that you didn’t really forgive them and you’re still holding a grudge. 

Next, instead of placing all of the blame on them, use “I” statements. Tell them how certain things make you feel, rather than putting the emphasis on them. 

Finally, remember that you’re on the same team. You don’t have to agree on everything. If you did, your relationship would never be forced to grow. As the old saying goes, “No pain, no gain”. That works perfectly for healthy relationships. Going through hard times together and working through them will make your bond stronger and more secure. You might not always see things the same way, but you can work toward the same goals. 

There doesn’t need to be a winner and loser when it comes to fighting in a relationship. If you’re willing to take a step back, keep your cool, and respect your partner even when you disagree with them, it doesn’t matter how often you fight. You could argue every day and have an incredibly healthy relationship. 

If you’re struggling to do those things and need help so you can “fight right”, don’t hesitate to reach out for more information about couples therapy.